When it comes to dealing with grief there is no right way or wrong way. There are lots of thoughts, feelings and questions involved when losing a loved one. In this post, we will try to guide you through some of the most commonly asked questions.
If I ignore my feelings, will they go away?
No, this just prolongs your recovery and will make things worse in the long run. Many people have been there and got the T-shirt. You must accept it is necessary to face your grief and deal with it pro-actively.
I must be strong for those around me, right?
Showing emotion and letting others see how you feel is not a sign of weakness. Crying doesn’t mean you are falling apart. You don’t need to “protect” your family or friends by hiding how you feel until you are alone. It is true that many people become concerned by someone that appears ok. They worry that they are not dealing with grief and they are right. By showing your true feelings you can help them as well as yourself.
Does it mean I don’t care if I don’t cry a the funeral or afterwards?
Not at all. Crying is a human response to sadness for many people but not all. Some people cry often, others never cry at all. Just because you don’t cry doesn’t mean you don’t feel sorrow as deeply as someone that does cry. It just means that you deal with it in a different way. There is nothing wrong with that.
How long should grief last?
Unfortunately, there is no time span for grieving. It would be great to be able to see the end but how long it takes is different from person to person. The most effective way of dealing with grief and reducing the suffering over time is to tackle it head-on instead of suppressing the feelings.
Don’t set yourself a time limit, just take things day by day. If you don’t feel like you have fully grieved after a few months that’s fine. The same applies if you still feel the same after a year or two.
Can children understand death and should I talk about it with them?
Children can be very understanding and resilient. Of course, we want to protect them but we don’t want to confuse them either. Be clear and keep things simple when speaking to them about death. There are many amazing resources online that can help. See the list below.
Do I have to tell everyone that someone has died?
No, but avoiding this can make things more difficult in the future. It can be overwhelming to have a lot of people getting asking if you are ok. Our advice is to tell who you want to know and who needs to know. For example, your employer can help lighten the load at a difficult time. Family members and people that you see often can all offer support and reduce some of the burden moving forward. Ultimately you make the decision on who you tell.
Who can support me to deal with grief?
Many people find that they need some help to get through the most difficult times. Thankfully this support is readily available. There are lots of amazing agencies and individuals that will understand how you feel and help point you in the direction of recovery. Listed below are a few links to local support services. If none of these work for you a simple google search will throw up more options for you to look at.
If you have more questions or would like answers to different questions, please feel free to leave a comment below or contact our friendly team.
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